Blogging!

Everybody's doing it now... I have been blogging since 2001. I was on livejournal for a very long time and actually, that's where I met some of my closest friends. I loved LJ, although now I have abandoned it for Facebook.

I think when I didn't have kids I had time to blog. Now that I have kids, I have more fodder but not time. BOO! Something has got to give. My friend KN just started her blog a few days ago and she's already up to four posts. I haven't blogged since 2012. Oops... I am feeling a bit guilty.

Okay, here I go...

What have I been doing since October, 2012. A whole lot! Shizz got real in November when my colleague (Elisa) and I began working with a family whose 19 year old son was missing and was later found murdered in an abandoned warehouse in South Hayward. I tell you, I cannot imagine the grief and the anger that they wake up to every single morning. It's a very sad story and this family has become more than just "clients" they have become family. Sitting with them daily, trying to help them navigate systems that are in place to help them but that are so confusing when you are experiencing trauma. Working with the media and law enforcement to help this family get the justice that they deserve. It was at that moment that I realized that my ministry would take on a whole different meaning. My ministry has always been about service. I'm a total Martha when it comes down to it. I'm no stranger to serving the community.

Elisa and I worked all through November and December. In January, we knew what needed to be done. We knew that we needed to help other families whose children were missing or whose loved ones had been murdered. There are families out there that need help getting the assistance they need to get through these traumatic moments in their lives. Our ministry was born: South County Family Services.

We are currently working to raise money so that we can pay for the filing fee for a non-profit status. It's $850 and where that sounds like a drop in the bucket for some people, it's a lot for us. It's hard to get the attention and the word out because this is just not a "feel good" kind of thing. It would be easier if we knitted blankets for sick kiddos or read to people at convalescent homes. And to be honest, those types of activities are needed and are certainly a comfort to those that they are serving. Looking for missing kids or helping people after their loved ones have been murdered doesn't bring a smile to peoples faces.  This is what Jesus has called us to do. So you know what we do? We march through it and know that we will have the money soon and work towards our goals. We are being creative though and that's what's got me feeling really good about things! We are going to do a Tamalera fundraiser. Up to 10 people can get up to four hours of instructional tamale and salsa making by 3 of the best tamaleras in the world. Okay maybe not the world but certainly in our circle here. It's going to be great! I'm looking forward to it. Not only will they learn to make tamales, they will get to enjoy some margaritas and learn a little bit of history of the tamal. You know you want to... There are other things that we have come up with but we're not firm on things yet. It'll all work out, we know it.

So I think that I'm done with this entry. It's not nearly as entertaining as some but it's certainly not boring either. Life is rarely ever boring around here.

No Good Title For This One

It's been a very long couple of days. I seriously have no more patience. I also don't have any more smiles or eye lash batting left in me. I can't make any babies smile right now or even whisper to kittens to be good... I'm done for the week. I'm just done.

I got an ingrown toe nail removed yesterday. Yes, TMI, maybe but almost everyone gets one in their lives and well there you go... It would be such a big deal if I didn't have the DIABEETUS! I was telling my friend that I can't even say "diabetes" without saying it like "diabeetus!" It's funny and I always laugh to myself. But I digress, so I got this "nail spike" removed as my doctor called it and he told me to keep off of it for a couple of days. Umm, I'm a mom. A mom of twins. A mom of very active twins. There is NO SUCH THINGS! Since I got the toe shot I was toe numb so I decided to go have coffee with mah homegirls. Then it happened, the pain. Shooting through my toe, holy crap! Came home and I swear codeine didn't take the edge off so I od'd on some ibuprofen and that worked. The MIL picked up my kids at school and she brought me a big old Jamba Juice which is delicious but I think that she's secretly trying to kill me since she often forgets that I have the diabeetus. But you know that a mom's time to recuperate is only so long, dinner had to be made and the kids had to be bathed and what not. Everything got done and my day was over by 11:00pm.

Fast-forward to today... I had a rough start. Mostly because I have the most comfortable sheets in the world and I didn't' want to get out of bed. I can be perfectly functional in my bed I think, except for that pesky take the kids to school thing. I suppose I can't do that from the comfort of my bed... took the babies to school (they are not babies but sometimes i call them that) and drove over to Peet's and picked up the wrong coffee, doctored up said coffee with a nice amount of nutmeg and then got called for the right cup of coffee. CRIPES! So the guy whose coffee I doctored up was such a nice guy. He asked me, "What did you put in it?" and I told him sheepishly, "Umm, some nutmeg" and he's all, "Hey that's great! Thanks! I'll take it!" WOW! That was awesome! So I picked up my right coffee and then while trying to put nutmeg in, I broke the nutmeg thingy. Oh no! The nice boy (Jeanette's boyfriend) fixed it for me and I got my nutmeg! Victory! Then as I was walking back from buy pumpkin pie bagels at Panera (no, not diabeetus friendly) I dropped the monstrosity of a book that my book club is reading on my big toe. You know, the one that got the "nail spike" removed. Oh the pain. Moving on, moving on... off to Big O Tires to get some tires for the swagger wagon. 3 hours later, for real, three hours later, even after the guy told me to hang out, it won't take long, the minivan was ready. Had some lunch with mah homegirl and then it was off to do some O's and E's before I went to pick up the kids at school. Teacake had a cub scout meeting, HRH had to get feathers for her pumpkin in disguise, then before I knew it, time to pick up the boy child and come home, get homework done and make dinner.

My toe hurts. I'm kinda done. There is no point to this story. This is just my life.

What Amy Can't Forget

Last night my kids spent the night at the ILs house. They do this quite often but last night was different.

I had just read a book called What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty. In short, it's about a woman who bonks her head and loses her memory. She doesn't remember the last 10 years of her life. A lot has happened in those 10 years. She doesn't remember her kids, herself or that she and her husband are going through a nasty divorce. Long story short, she starts to remember bits of her 10 years and she realizes that she doesn't really like the person she became and she wasn't the person she thought she was going to be.

Last night, the Husb and I were talking about our lives. Now I'm not kidding when I say that A LOT has changed in 10 years. 10 years ago we were career focused and buying a house in the suburbs. We were engaged to be married but not quite ready to start planning a wedding and I was still at the point where I could leave California if I had to and not look back.

Fast forward to today, I have twin babies that are going to be 8 years old in August, I am a stay at home mama who has a great group of friends that I am going to miss terribly when I go away on vacation for 3 weeks and I have a husband who I couldn't imagine my life without. It's amazing what 10 years can do. I could still leave California but there would be a piece of my heart staying behind.

If I lost 10 years of my memories it would be a sad thing. It would be terrible! I would miss the very things that have made me the person I am today. I would have missed so much that make me the spiritual, emotional, funny person I have become. There are some things I would change, I think everyone has those, you know, I would have probably taken better care of myself so I wouldn't have diabetes now but in general, I am happy with who I am. I am happy with the people that are in my life and I am happy at how my life is going. Life is good. Life is what it is because the last 10 years have helped shape me and our happy little world...

Girl Power

My daughter's Brownie troop are a group of kick ass little girls who don't take "no" for an answer. Seriously. Today they made $300 giving lemonade and brownies away. People took the brownies and lemonade and made donations. They are going to donate the proceeds to Living Water International.

We didn't know what we would make. I mean, the kids had a lemonade stand with their friends this summer and made like 40 bucks so we really weren't expecting too much. Our girls pushed it. They went up to people and told them about building a well in Africa and offering a brownie and when people said they didn't want a brownie they said, "You don't have to take a brownie to make a donation!" and you know what, most often than not, they got some money outta them. WOW! Gumption! Even middle schoolers gave spare lunch money and change to the girls for a brownie and some lemonade! It was great to see them all working together to make this well a reality.

Girls can do anything. I remember my Mama telling me that. I remember my Grandma telling me that I could be anything I wanted to be in this world. I chose to be a mother. I am raising my daughter to know that she can be anything in this world. She doesn't have to take NO for an answer.

7 days!

I did in fact finish off the 7 days of no yelling. It was a success however about 15 days into it, I yelled at my kids because it couldn't be avoided! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I felt better and now I am very careful about what I yell at them about which is a good thing.

All in all, it made me realize that I yelled at my kiddos way too much. Not saying that it didn't feel good because yelling for me is a release but it made me really start tinking about other ways to communicate with the kids and make things really happen. There was a couple of days there that they just flat out didn't listen to me at all because they knew that I wasn't going to yell at them. Those little turkeys but that pretty much stopped after I told them that I wanted to yell at them so bad that I was doing everything I could in my power not to yell at them. They bought it and stopped.

Anyway, YES! If I can do it, you can do it too. Try it!

Going on Day 5 (the no yelling experiment)

By day three, the kids hadn't even noticed that I hadn't yelled at them for 3 days. They were still acting terrible though and I had to muster all my patience and strength not to just blow my top and scream at the top of my lungs. I know yelling doesn't solve anything but damn it would feel good to just get it out of my lungs!

So, so far, no yelling. Day 5 is going well.

Last night I had very little sleep and weird dreams when I did sleep. Just kid of long drawn out dreams that involved me being in high school and being late and having a cut above my right eye brow and the counselor making kind of a big deal and me basically skipping all my classes and just kind of hiding out. What the heck?!?!

Since I've been Gone

I've been gone from the bloggersphere... It's just because I was on vacation for 3 weeks and then school started and then and then and then... well you know, being a stay at home mom is tough! Who am I kidding? It is tough but in a totally different kind of way.

So I started this thing yesterday. I'm going to try to go 7 days without yelling at my kiddos. It's going to be hard because my first reaction to when they do something that I know they know better is to yell. So far I have not yelled for 24 hours. That's a start. I'm going to pray on it though... I need help with this. I keep telling myself that yelling doesn't solve anything. It really doesn't. It just irritates me and makes my kids feel all anxious and what not.

I was talking to a friend today and she reminded me about how we, mothers, are like the heart of our household. That whatever we are feeling and how we are acting is kind of the tone that is set in the house. It's true. I forgot about that. When I'm calm, the kids and the husb are all calm. It's nice. When I'm stressed out, everyone is grumpasaurus'... So we will try this little experiment out. I will try to remember to write about it and see how it goes, maybe I will never yell at my kids again! HA!

if it doesn't fit, you must acquit

I spent my morning watching the rebuttal argument for the prosecution for the Casey Anthony murder case. I have opinions. Boy, do I!

My opinion: She did it. She did it accidentally, but she did it. She didn't like the responsibility that came with being a mother and she needed to do something to keep up her life as a mom and the life she wanted. Since there was no baby sitter, she decided that Caylee needed to go everywhere she went, even if it was by forced sleep in the trunk of the car. Poor baby.

I have often heard that after a woman gives birth she will automatically know what to do because she is a mom now. I couldn't disagree with that more. So what! You're a mom and yes, there are some moments when you know exactly what to do but being a mother to young children is a very very difficult task and sometimes it's just NOT pretty. There are something that do come naturally and then there are things that one has to learn as a mother. You don't know the different cries of a baby, you have to learn that and the only way to learn that is by listening to your baby cry. And babies crying isn't exactly relaxing and soothing. Trial by fire.

There is a learning curve in motherhood. A girl can't have a child and then be asked to act responsibly and do the right thing all the time because the truth is, when you're 19, the right thing to do is party and hang out with friends and act a fool. Now that's not true for everybody. I know that but for the majority of the 19 year olds I knew (or was for that matter) partying and being social was a top priority. That was a top priority for Casey Anthony. She was a very selfish person, as we all tend to be at that age. Life experience changes that and she hadn't experienced life enough to know how to be a good mother to someone. It's easy to play with a baby and dress them and feed them peas but then you leave them with their parent and go away. That wasn't true for Casey. No matter how much her parents supported her, no matter all that her parents did for her, it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to save Caylee.

Maybe Casey wanted to have her cake and eat it too. I'm sure she wanted to be awesome and amazing and still be able to do all the things that she wanted to do. She wanted to go out and have fun, have boyfriends, have flings, take part in bar contests and be a good mother. She wanted to do all that all at the same time, but the truth is, you can't really do all that. Maybe there a couple of people who can get away with that, but seriously, one can't do that without a baby sitter and without some serious judgment from a whole lot of people. And if you are the kind of person who cares about what other people think of you, forget it.

The person I think has really be put through the ringer though is her father, George Anthony. Poor George. That man was accused of covering up an accidental death, molesting his daughter and having an affair with an unknown woman. This man was so torn up that his granddaughter was missing and then found dead that he wanted to commit suicide and end his own misery. This is a man who according to people who knew him, loved his granddaughter so much he turned his life upside down to please Caylee. He knew the names of her baby dolls, my goodness! That's a grandpa for you! He defended Casey and wanted to help her. He tried to help her, even when she was sitting in jail, yelling and cursing at his wife. He asked her how he could help her and Casey kept lying. Casey kept manipulating him. She tugged at his heartstrings and continued to play him anyway she wanted. He didn't do it. He didn't molest Casey. He didn't find Caylee at the bottom of the pool. He didn't want to kill himself because of the guilt he felt at covering up the "accidental" death of a baby he loved more than life itself. It just didn't happen.

Anyway, I'm all over the place here, namely because my kiddos are all over the place here and I need to be a good mother and shower them with attention. Wrapping it up here, Casey did what she wanted to do, she always did and when people finally started to tell her to "mom-up" she was determined to continue doing what she wanted to do and how she wanted to do it, only she was going to have to do it without the support of people who wanted her to grow up. She had to do it while dragging Caylee around everywhere she went. She was going to have to do it without a baby sitter and she was going to have to do it while lying about everything from friends, boyfriends and employment. It's a very sad situation that has touched so many peoples lives. It makes mothers angry! It made a woman try to cover up the sins of her daughter, it made a man want to kill himself. The death of a vivacious toddler has changed that way we look at young single mothers. Now they have to step up their game even more. Even the ones who are already doing it the right way... That's a sad state.

you've been warned

I think that once we become pregnant something goes off in our heads that makes us feel like we can never ever have a life outside of our kids. Once you give birth, I think that same button that gets pushed also tells you that you can no longer say certain things out loud because you will be perceived, by everyone who hears you, to be a bad mama....

I'm glad to say that I realized, it's not true.

There are times when I long for my old life. It's one of those things where you want your cake and eat it too. I want to have my kiddos around but I also want to be able to be a little reckless with beer sometimes and have guilt-free time with my husband. I want to be able to do things on whims and maybe eat hot dogs and cake for dinner. Doesn't happen though. Partly because can you imagine a near 40 year old woman going to Gilman St. and listening to punk rock bands or dying her hair some crazy colour or even better, what if I still had all my original piercings in? Oh yeh, that would be awesome!

I realize that we have responsibilities now and that we are role models to our children but I also realize that I had a damn fun life BC (BC=Before Children).

just another monday...

The kiddos didn't have school today. It was a teachers work day. I don't know what that means exactly, all I know is that my kids still woke up early, still fought first thing in the morning but they went to their grandma's house earlier to give me a chance to kinda clean the house.

I managed to clean the kitchen and the freezer. Oh and I vacuumed the family room. Not enough I suppose but it was something. I also went to the grocery store and bought some essentials and now I'm getting ready for dinner.

This could possibly be the boringest blog entry I have ever written...

Lent

I love the season of Lent. It's a somber reminder that you are loved and with that kind of love there is always a sacrifice....

I read something on someone's twitter account that was a friendly message from God. It said, "Um, I didn't ask you to give up coffee. I asked you to give up your life." I thought, how appropriate.

Being a Christian is a dangerous thing. We need to remind ourselves of that quite often. I mean, our leader was humiliated, considered a common criminal, tortured and executed. All that because he was preaching something so simple: unconditional love.

reload?

Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords was shot in the head today at a constituent meeting. She's probably done a hundred of these things and today was the day that someone decided that the process wasn't going to work for them anymore. This confused and poorly misinformed young man committed an act of terrorism that no one will soon forget.

Violence is not the answer. We hear that all the time and most of us believe it. I have to really really believe that most of us believe it because if not then we are just walking around with targets on our backs waiting for someone to take us out. MOST of us believe that violence isn't a solution. And those who incite violence need to be held accountable for the acts of violence committed in the name of "political change" or Thomas Jefferson's often misunderstood quote, "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time, with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure." If you spew hate against an idea or a political foe, hate will be doled out by those to those who they think have wronged them. If one repeats the same rhetoric over and over again, one will begin to act upon this rhetoric, no matter how nonsensical or ridiculous or dangerous it is.

Why was this horrific act of violence such a shock to people? Because we thought we were safe. We thought we were fighting the enemy in another country. Because we forgot that there is a whole group or party of people here that are so angry at the process that they somehow think that marking congressional districts with targets and cross hairs or words like "Don't retreat. Reload." is the only way to change the political system. Those are the "patriots" that should be held accountable for inciting such acts of violence.

I hope that this young man's actions today is something that will make people in powerful positions think about what they say and what they do. Sometimes people don't know where to draw the line. If you are in a position of power, you need to remember that and make sure you remind people that life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness isn't answered with a gun in hand.

Oops, forgot to blog

So yeh, this is what usually happens at the end of a long streak of blogging. I stop. You heard it here first.

I had a job up until December 31. Now I'm a stay at home mom again. I was a stay at home mom for 4 years after I had my twins. I did kinda miss it but now I can say that I'm kinda bored only after 2 days. Seriously, you can only sweep, clean toilets and wash clothes so many times in a day. What do you think?

Anyway, today I hung out with my Mama and it was a good day. She is leaving me on Thursday to go back home after being on holiday for a month. I will surely miss her. I don't want her to leave!

WAH!!!

January First Twenty-Eleven

Oh yeh! It's the new year! I am one of those optimists who always believes that the new year is a time for fresh new beginnings. I'm also one of those people who has a list about 10000 miles long of all the things I want to do in the new year and I am one of those people who accomplish only about 2 of the things I set out to do... NOT THIS YEAR! I have a more manageable list this year....

take a picture everyday
be kind
smile
love some more
love myself more
read again
enjoy time to myself

I think I can swing those.

Gift: Reverb10

December 30 – Gift Prompt: Gift. This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What’s the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?

I got the gift of my faith back... God is good. God is good ALL THE TIME!

Gift: Reverb10

December 30 – Gift Prompt: Gift. This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What’s the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?

I got the gift of my faith back... God is good. God is good ALL THE TIME!

Defining Moment: Reverb10

December 29 – Defining Moment Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.

I got laid off from my job and I decided that there was nothing I could do about and I needed time to be angry and hurt and then I would move on when I was done with it... I can't really decide how that all played out though. It was almost like it played me out...

Achieve: Reverb10

December 28 – Achieve What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.

I just want to be purely and unconditionally happy. I want to wake up in the morning and not have a negative thought or worry. I just want to feel like everything will be alright no matter what the situation is... I think that would be a wonderful thing.

pray, think positive, get dressed everyday, smile more, praise more, donate to charity more, make my life about other people more and not just about me, see the glass half full in every situation, say things that will make people feel good about themselves, write more letters, be quiet

December 27 – Ordinary Joy Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

Sitting at home with my kids on a rainy day, watching the rain fall. We just laid on the floor, talking and laughing and watching the rain drops... ordinary day, extraordinary moment...

Soul Food: Reverb10

Prompt: Soul food. What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?

My Mama made mole for me the first week she was here. OMIGOSH! The flavors, the smell, the warmth... it was an amazing meal! I loved it. It took me back to my childhood. My Mama always made mole and rice. Then one day we asked for mashed potatoes with it to kinda of cool down the mole sauce. A tradition was born. So that day, my Mama made mole, rice and mashed potatoes for me. We sat and ate and laughed and talked and laughed some more. It was an incredible bonding moment.

For me, mole symbolizes familia, cultura, comida, amor and just being Mexican! It's a dish that is eaten by almost every Mexican I know. I can't forget the times my Mama made us mole for dinner. It was always a very very special meal for us, whether it was for our birthday, a congratulatory dinner or Wednesday...