Last night my kids spent the night at the ILs house. They do this quite often but last night was different.
I had just read a book called What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty. In short, it's about a woman who bonks her head and loses her memory. She doesn't remember the last 10 years of her life. A lot has happened in those 10 years. She doesn't remember her kids, herself or that she and her husband are going through a nasty divorce. Long story short, she starts to remember bits of her 10 years and she realizes that she doesn't really like the person she became and she wasn't the person she thought she was going to be.
Last night, the Husb and I were talking about our lives. Now I'm not kidding when I say that A LOT has changed in 10 years. 10 years ago we were career focused and buying a house in the suburbs. We were engaged to be married but not quite ready to start planning a wedding and I was still at the point where I could leave California if I had to and not look back.
Fast forward to today, I have twin babies that are going to be 8 years old in August, I am a stay at home mama who has a great group of friends that I am going to miss terribly when I go away on vacation for 3 weeks and I have a husband who I couldn't imagine my life without. It's amazing what 10 years can do. I could still leave California but there would be a piece of my heart staying behind.
If I lost 10 years of my memories it would be a sad thing. It would be terrible! I would miss the very things that have made me the person I am today. I would have missed so much that make me the spiritual, emotional, funny person I have become. There are some things I would change, I think everyone has those, you know, I would have probably taken better care of myself so I wouldn't have diabetes now but in general, I am happy with who I am. I am happy with the people that are in my life and I am happy at how my life is going. Life is good. Life is what it is because the last 10 years have helped shape me and our happy little world...
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Girl Power
My daughter's Brownie troop are a group of kick ass little girls who don't take "no" for an answer. Seriously. Today they made $300 giving lemonade and brownies away. People took the brownies and lemonade and made donations. They are going to donate the proceeds to Living Water International.
We didn't know what we would make. I mean, the kids had a lemonade stand with their friends this summer and made like 40 bucks so we really weren't expecting too much. Our girls pushed it. They went up to people and told them about building a well in Africa and offering a brownie and when people said they didn't want a brownie they said, "You don't have to take a brownie to make a donation!" and you know what, most often than not, they got some money outta them. WOW! Gumption! Even middle schoolers gave spare lunch money and change to the girls for a brownie and some lemonade! It was great to see them all working together to make this well a reality.
Girls can do anything. I remember my Mama telling me that. I remember my Grandma telling me that I could be anything I wanted to be in this world. I chose to be a mother. I am raising my daughter to know that she can be anything in this world. She doesn't have to take NO for an answer.
Friday, September 23, 2011
7 days!
I did in fact finish off the 7 days of no yelling. It was a success however about 15 days into it, I yelled at my kids because it couldn't be avoided! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I felt better and now I am very careful about what I yell at them about which is a good thing.
All in all, it made me realize that I yelled at my kiddos way too much. Not saying that it didn't feel good because yelling for me is a release but it made me really start tinking about other ways to communicate with the kids and make things really happen. There was a couple of days there that they just flat out didn't listen to me at all because they knew that I wasn't going to yell at them. Those little turkeys but that pretty much stopped after I told them that I wanted to yell at them so bad that I was doing everything I could in my power not to yell at them. They bought it and stopped.
Anyway, YES! If I can do it, you can do it too. Try it!
I felt better and now I am very careful about what I yell at them about which is a good thing.
All in all, it made me realize that I yelled at my kiddos way too much. Not saying that it didn't feel good because yelling for me is a release but it made me really start tinking about other ways to communicate with the kids and make things really happen. There was a couple of days there that they just flat out didn't listen to me at all because they knew that I wasn't going to yell at them. Those little turkeys but that pretty much stopped after I told them that I wanted to yell at them so bad that I was doing everything I could in my power not to yell at them. They bought it and stopped.
Anyway, YES! If I can do it, you can do it too. Try it!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Going on Day 5 (the no yelling experiment)
By day three, the kids hadn't even noticed that I hadn't yelled at them for 3 days. They were still acting terrible though and I had to muster all my patience and strength not to just blow my top and scream at the top of my lungs. I know yelling doesn't solve anything but damn it would feel good to just get it out of my lungs!
So, so far, no yelling. Day 5 is going well.
Last night I had very little sleep and weird dreams when I did sleep. Just kid of long drawn out dreams that involved me being in high school and being late and having a cut above my right eye brow and the counselor making kind of a big deal and me basically skipping all my classes and just kind of hiding out. What the heck?!?!
So, so far, no yelling. Day 5 is going well.
Last night I had very little sleep and weird dreams when I did sleep. Just kid of long drawn out dreams that involved me being in high school and being late and having a cut above my right eye brow and the counselor making kind of a big deal and me basically skipping all my classes and just kind of hiding out. What the heck?!?!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Since I've been Gone
I've been gone from the bloggersphere... It's just because I was on vacation for 3 weeks and then school started and then and then and then... well you know, being a stay at home mom is tough! Who am I kidding? It is tough but in a totally different kind of way.
So I started this thing yesterday. I'm going to try to go 7 days without yelling at my kiddos. It's going to be hard because my first reaction to when they do something that I know they know better is to yell. So far I have not yelled for 24 hours. That's a start. I'm going to pray on it though... I need help with this. I keep telling myself that yelling doesn't solve anything. It really doesn't. It just irritates me and makes my kids feel all anxious and what not.
I was talking to a friend today and she reminded me about how we, mothers, are like the heart of our household. That whatever we are feeling and how we are acting is kind of the tone that is set in the house. It's true. I forgot about that. When I'm calm, the kids and the husb are all calm. It's nice. When I'm stressed out, everyone is grumpasaurus'... So we will try this little experiment out. I will try to remember to write about it and see how it goes, maybe I will never yell at my kids again! HA!
So I started this thing yesterday. I'm going to try to go 7 days without yelling at my kiddos. It's going to be hard because my first reaction to when they do something that I know they know better is to yell. So far I have not yelled for 24 hours. That's a start. I'm going to pray on it though... I need help with this. I keep telling myself that yelling doesn't solve anything. It really doesn't. It just irritates me and makes my kids feel all anxious and what not.
I was talking to a friend today and she reminded me about how we, mothers, are like the heart of our household. That whatever we are feeling and how we are acting is kind of the tone that is set in the house. It's true. I forgot about that. When I'm calm, the kids and the husb are all calm. It's nice. When I'm stressed out, everyone is grumpasaurus'... So we will try this little experiment out. I will try to remember to write about it and see how it goes, maybe I will never yell at my kids again! HA!
Monday, July 4, 2011
if it doesn't fit, you must acquit
I spent my morning watching the rebuttal argument for the prosecution for the Casey Anthony murder case. I have opinions. Boy, do I!
My opinion: She did it. She did it accidentally, but she did it. She didn't like the responsibility that came with being a mother and she needed to do something to keep up her life as a mom and the life she wanted. Since there was no baby sitter, she decided that Caylee needed to go everywhere she went, even if it was by forced sleep in the trunk of the car. Poor baby.
I have often heard that after a woman gives birth she will automatically know what to do because she is a mom now. I couldn't disagree with that more. So what! You're a mom and yes, there are some moments when you know exactly what to do but being a mother to young children is a very very difficult task and sometimes it's just NOT pretty. There are something that do come naturally and then there are things that one has to learn as a mother. You don't know the different cries of a baby, you have to learn that and the only way to learn that is by listening to your baby cry. And babies crying isn't exactly relaxing and soothing. Trial by fire.
There is a learning curve in motherhood. A girl can't have a child and then be asked to act responsibly and do the right thing all the time because the truth is, when you're 19, the right thing to do is party and hang out with friends and act a fool. Now that's not true for everybody. I know that but for the majority of the 19 year olds I knew (or was for that matter) partying and being social was a top priority. That was a top priority for Casey Anthony. She was a very selfish person, as we all tend to be at that age. Life experience changes that and she hadn't experienced life enough to know how to be a good mother to someone. It's easy to play with a baby and dress them and feed them peas but then you leave them with their parent and go away. That wasn't true for Casey. No matter how much her parents supported her, no matter all that her parents did for her, it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to save Caylee.
Maybe Casey wanted to have her cake and eat it too. I'm sure she wanted to be awesome and amazing and still be able to do all the things that she wanted to do. She wanted to go out and have fun, have boyfriends, have flings, take part in bar contests and be a good mother. She wanted to do all that all at the same time, but the truth is, you can't really do all that. Maybe there a couple of people who can get away with that, but seriously, one can't do that without a baby sitter and without some serious judgment from a whole lot of people. And if you are the kind of person who cares about what other people think of you, forget it.
The person I think has really be put through the ringer though is her father, George Anthony. Poor George. That man was accused of covering up an accidental death, molesting his daughter and having an affair with an unknown woman. This man was so torn up that his granddaughter was missing and then found dead that he wanted to commit suicide and end his own misery. This is a man who according to people who knew him, loved his granddaughter so much he turned his life upside down to please Caylee. He knew the names of her baby dolls, my goodness! That's a grandpa for you! He defended Casey and wanted to help her. He tried to help her, even when she was sitting in jail, yelling and cursing at his wife. He asked her how he could help her and Casey kept lying. Casey kept manipulating him. She tugged at his heartstrings and continued to play him anyway she wanted. He didn't do it. He didn't molest Casey. He didn't find Caylee at the bottom of the pool. He didn't want to kill himself because of the guilt he felt at covering up the "accidental" death of a baby he loved more than life itself. It just didn't happen.
Anyway, I'm all over the place here, namely because my kiddos are all over the place here and I need to be a good mother and shower them with attention. Wrapping it up here, Casey did what she wanted to do, she always did and when people finally started to tell her to "mom-up" she was determined to continue doing what she wanted to do and how she wanted to do it, only she was going to have to do it without the support of people who wanted her to grow up. She had to do it while dragging Caylee around everywhere she went. She was going to have to do it without a baby sitter and she was going to have to do it while lying about everything from friends, boyfriends and employment. It's a very sad situation that has touched so many peoples lives. It makes mothers angry! It made a woman try to cover up the sins of her daughter, it made a man want to kill himself. The death of a vivacious toddler has changed that way we look at young single mothers. Now they have to step up their game even more. Even the ones who are already doing it the right way... That's a sad state.
My opinion: She did it. She did it accidentally, but she did it. She didn't like the responsibility that came with being a mother and she needed to do something to keep up her life as a mom and the life she wanted. Since there was no baby sitter, she decided that Caylee needed to go everywhere she went, even if it was by forced sleep in the trunk of the car. Poor baby.
I have often heard that after a woman gives birth she will automatically know what to do because she is a mom now. I couldn't disagree with that more. So what! You're a mom and yes, there are some moments when you know exactly what to do but being a mother to young children is a very very difficult task and sometimes it's just NOT pretty. There are something that do come naturally and then there are things that one has to learn as a mother. You don't know the different cries of a baby, you have to learn that and the only way to learn that is by listening to your baby cry. And babies crying isn't exactly relaxing and soothing. Trial by fire.
There is a learning curve in motherhood. A girl can't have a child and then be asked to act responsibly and do the right thing all the time because the truth is, when you're 19, the right thing to do is party and hang out with friends and act a fool. Now that's not true for everybody. I know that but for the majority of the 19 year olds I knew (or was for that matter) partying and being social was a top priority. That was a top priority for Casey Anthony. She was a very selfish person, as we all tend to be at that age. Life experience changes that and she hadn't experienced life enough to know how to be a good mother to someone. It's easy to play with a baby and dress them and feed them peas but then you leave them with their parent and go away. That wasn't true for Casey. No matter how much her parents supported her, no matter all that her parents did for her, it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to save Caylee.
Maybe Casey wanted to have her cake and eat it too. I'm sure she wanted to be awesome and amazing and still be able to do all the things that she wanted to do. She wanted to go out and have fun, have boyfriends, have flings, take part in bar contests and be a good mother. She wanted to do all that all at the same time, but the truth is, you can't really do all that. Maybe there a couple of people who can get away with that, but seriously, one can't do that without a baby sitter and without some serious judgment from a whole lot of people. And if you are the kind of person who cares about what other people think of you, forget it.
The person I think has really be put through the ringer though is her father, George Anthony. Poor George. That man was accused of covering up an accidental death, molesting his daughter and having an affair with an unknown woman. This man was so torn up that his granddaughter was missing and then found dead that he wanted to commit suicide and end his own misery. This is a man who according to people who knew him, loved his granddaughter so much he turned his life upside down to please Caylee. He knew the names of her baby dolls, my goodness! That's a grandpa for you! He defended Casey and wanted to help her. He tried to help her, even when she was sitting in jail, yelling and cursing at his wife. He asked her how he could help her and Casey kept lying. Casey kept manipulating him. She tugged at his heartstrings and continued to play him anyway she wanted. He didn't do it. He didn't molest Casey. He didn't find Caylee at the bottom of the pool. He didn't want to kill himself because of the guilt he felt at covering up the "accidental" death of a baby he loved more than life itself. It just didn't happen.
Anyway, I'm all over the place here, namely because my kiddos are all over the place here and I need to be a good mother and shower them with attention. Wrapping it up here, Casey did what she wanted to do, she always did and when people finally started to tell her to "mom-up" she was determined to continue doing what she wanted to do and how she wanted to do it, only she was going to have to do it without the support of people who wanted her to grow up. She had to do it while dragging Caylee around everywhere she went. She was going to have to do it without a baby sitter and she was going to have to do it while lying about everything from friends, boyfriends and employment. It's a very sad situation that has touched so many peoples lives. It makes mothers angry! It made a woman try to cover up the sins of her daughter, it made a man want to kill himself. The death of a vivacious toddler has changed that way we look at young single mothers. Now they have to step up their game even more. Even the ones who are already doing it the right way... That's a sad state.
Monday, March 21, 2011
you've been warned
I think that once we become pregnant something goes off in our heads that makes us feel like we can never ever have a life outside of our kids. Once you give birth, I think that same button that gets pushed also tells you that you can no longer say certain things out loud because you will be perceived, by everyone who hears you, to be a bad mama....
I'm glad to say that I realized, it's not true.
There are times when I long for my old life. It's one of those things where you want your cake and eat it too. I want to have my kiddos around but I also want to be able to be a little reckless with beer sometimes and have guilt-free time with my husband. I want to be able to do things on whims and maybe eat hot dogs and cake for dinner. Doesn't happen though. Partly because can you imagine a near 40 year old woman going to Gilman St. and listening to punk rock bands or dying her hair some crazy colour or even better, what if I still had all my original piercings in? Oh yeh, that would be awesome!
I realize that we have responsibilities now and that we are role models to our children but I also realize that I had a damn fun life BC (BC=Before Children).
I'm glad to say that I realized, it's not true.
There are times when I long for my old life. It's one of those things where you want your cake and eat it too. I want to have my kiddos around but I also want to be able to be a little reckless with beer sometimes and have guilt-free time with my husband. I want to be able to do things on whims and maybe eat hot dogs and cake for dinner. Doesn't happen though. Partly because can you imagine a near 40 year old woman going to Gilman St. and listening to punk rock bands or dying her hair some crazy colour or even better, what if I still had all my original piercings in? Oh yeh, that would be awesome!
I realize that we have responsibilities now and that we are role models to our children but I also realize that I had a damn fun life BC (BC=Before Children).
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